At age 15, not a single word anyone said could tear me down.
Because the words I said to myself were worse than what anyone else could say.
The past few weeks have been difficult. I read somewhere that if you’re having a hard time or a difficult day, count your blessings. Write down what you’re grateful for. Today, I randomly woke up at 4am in tears, and my whole body hurt.
I picked up a pen and paper, and started writing what I was thankful for.
This was hard.
Not because I have nothing to be grateful for. As a matter of fact, it’s because I was so overwhelmed with the amount of things I could write down, and no part of this was making me feel even slightly better.
I tried going to the gym. My body hurt. I only did light cardio. Normally, this would upset me a lot, I never leave workouts halfway completed. But today I decided instead I would go on a loong read walk, buy myself a ton of fresh fruit and kombucha. On my way home, I suddenly found myself feeling light, optimistic and grateful.
I began writing a list of things I was grateful for:
- Fresh berries.
- Frozen berries.
- All berries.
- All fruit.
- All vegetables.
You get the point. There’s a lot. I decided, instead of writing it out with a pen on a paper, I would type it. Today, I am sharing my list with you.
These are the Eight things that I am currently most grateful for:
1. The ability to walk away from any negative thoughts that creep up.
At age 15, not a single word anyone said could tear me down. Why?
Because the words I said to myself were worse than what anyone else could say. As many people, I was always my worst enemy. Still am. The only difference is, I have developed methods to silence the negativity when it comes up.
This is common among many types of mental disorders. It never really “goes away”. The thoughts will come up. The fears, unfortunately, stick around. But now, theres ways to silence it. For it not to control your life.
When I decided to take my health into my own hands, for the first time in my life, I felt true mental clarity. No one could weigh down how light I felt. I am so thankful that I have ways to remove the voices in my head when they arrive.
2. My family
My parents decided to move to Canada when I was 5. We came to Winnipeg, lived there for a few months then moved to Vancouver. We have moved apartments more times than I can count on my fingers, and for this reason I believe I have grown to be a “detached” person. I have had quite a few failed relationships, grown-apart friendships and many instances of heartbreak all of which hurt like heck in the moment, but quickly passed by, due to this amazing quality my parents have gifted me with.
This, of course, is not the only reason I am thankful for them today.
3. Recovering quickly.
Adding on to what I just mentioned:
During my breakups, I have had friends tell me “Wow, you really get over things quick”. I always thought it was normal, but it wasn’t until people began pointing it out that I realized I was gifted with this ability.
I do feel things very deeply. When I love, I love with my whole heart, and I don’t believe we can only love halfway. Whether it’s a person, a job, friend, or a place. I believe we can love multiple things whole-heartedly, but not one thing half-heartedly. But this has bitten me in the butt many times. It’s like a piercing: it hurts like crazy in the moment, but once it’s over, it’s like it never happened. The pain is gone.
Today, I am so very grateful to not carry the weight of pain with me.
4. My cat.
Do I need to explain this one?
5. The city in which I live.
Quiet. Safe. Easily accessible.
Most importantly, very easy access to nutrient rich vegan food. I understand, many years ago when cavemen didn’t have access to edamame beans, or vitamin B12 supplements, meat was necessary for survival. I am incredibly grateful every day (and with every bite of plants that I eat) that I am capable of not just surviving, but thriving on this delicious lifestyle. The lifestyle that can allow me to feel light, happy, energized even when I’ve gotten zero hours of sleep and 6 deadlines to meet by the end of the night. The lifestyle that allows me to feel something positive when I’m in a dark place.
6. The ability to attract what I want.
Five months ago, I discovered the law of attraction. My world lit up, and I began attempting to attract what I wanted, and steer away from what I didn’t. It’s amazing how when you speak to the universe, it speaks right back to you. It listens to everything you say.
Whether or not you believe in the law of attraction, I would highly recommend you read some success stories, watch The Secret a few times, and try it yourself. It really is magical.
Or should I say growth. Adaptation.
I fear change like nothing else. It causes me a great deal of anxiety, but oddly enough every time it occurs, I end up 3 times more grateful than I was before.
No matter how much I fear it on a daily basis, I am 100% so very grateful that it exists.
For reading this post. For clicking on this post.
I have spent many years telling myself I was worthless. The encouragement I get from everyone and the amazingly sweet messages you sent me on Thursday was incredible. When I realized how much love I can receive from people who barely know me, I quickly realized I had no reason to speak negatively towards myself.
I am so grateful for you.